Who wants my MTV?

I said I was done with it a long time ago, but you know, I didn't really mean it. This time I do. Take my hand on this one kids, and follow me, it's going to get confusing in a second. "Alternative Nation" has been halved, the other half is now "Amp" (Tricky and the Chemical Brothers for all!) and it's less frequent. I know you wanted to see more of those quirky Tool videos with the animated meat, but you'll just have to make less last longer.

"Enter the Mosh Pit" is where they'll be keeping the "hard edged" rock based and that wacky techno music. The name alone sends shivers down my spine. I wonder what incident of some 14 year old moshing at a school dance will cause them to change that name? MTV is a known apologist, if you don't believe me, just watch the opener to Beavis and Butthead, and wait for them to say "fire." You'll be waiting forever. Maybe, rightly so, MTV so named "Enter" to remind me that I'm too old to watch it anymore.

"Yo!," formerly "Yo! MTV Raps," featuring all my favorite hardcore gangsta rappers is now "Phat Ass" and more lifestyle than music centric. "MTV Jams" will be cut in half, which is fine by me, since I never liked those cookie cutter harmony groups anyway.

BOO!

Here's what scares me: "Popular Videos People Prefer." A rose, by any other name - is well, VH1 on MTV. While I'm mixing metaphors, I suggest they call a spade a spade. It would make for a smaller logo. Now, not even MTV is safe from the likes of Michael Bolton and Celine Dion. I'm lobbying to have her deported to Canada and hoping she'll take Mariah Carey with her, but we all know that isn't going to happen. Lite rock has pervaded the rock and roll oasis of cable programming, and as much as we may have hoped against hope, we always knew it was inevitable. Are you still with me? I didn't think so. Come back for a minute, there is one pearl amongst the swine.

There's one program announced that inspires me to further my quest for a cable subscription that works on a per-program basis. "The Indie 500," slated to be a program showcasing independent labels, imports and other alternative rock products. If they manage to avoid a Reznor fest (I don't need to see the Video for the 12 inch colored vinyl reedit of Closer) there stands a chance that this nugget will bring nourishment to a starved and jaded record buying populace. The one fear I have about that is those aren't the people watching MTV. All those guys are busy starting their own online magazines and listening to the Wedding Present, the Whigs and Neutral Milk Hotel.

leslie@smug.com

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