What's your thinking on paper versus plastic? I'm doing a report.
- Willis
Dear Willis,
Plastic was created by Americans for Americans. It took great American
ingenuity to take oil and make it into the greatest invention since well
before the printing press.
The one person that caused all this paper usage was Gutenberg. Now he was a kraut. I'm talking about Johannes not Steve. Steve Guttenberg is one of the finest American actors since Walter Brennan. His boyish good looks and charm have such graced such classics as Police Academy, and Bad Medicine. My favorite performance of Mr. Guttenberg's has to be as Jack Morrell in Can't Stop The Music. I tell you this, the Village People, Bruce Jenner, and Valerie Perrine were lucky to work with such an accomplished thespian. Mr. Guttenberg carried Valerie Perrine in that movie, if you ask my opinion. If you want to know about plastic, you should watch Valerie Perrine's turn in Superman II. That should answer
your question.
Dear Biswick:
What is a good snack for cats?
- Angie
Dear Angie,
I've always been a dog person. My late wife loved our cats, Porter and
Dolly. Porter was an old siamese that would leave little 'presents' under
the living room coffee table. Every Sunday after church we'd head over to
The Happy Griddle for the buffet. That was the time for Porter to do his
business. We'd get back still full from fried okra and chicken noodle soup
to find the cats in hiding and the carpet defiled. My brother-in-law,
Elmer, got the manufacturer number from Carpet City. We drove down to
Dalton to get that carpet straight from the factory. We saved enough to do
the whole house. I didn't want to do the living room. There was so much
traffic in the living room with the grand kids running around that I knew
that carpet would last. I told her but she never listened on matters
around the house. That was her domain. She even made me put my Richard
Petty clock out in the shed. I liked to spend time in the shed but it gets
cold out there in the winter. Velma would just say, 'I'm sure you'll need
to know what time it is. Besides it doesn't go with the rest of the
house.' She collected that depression glass and had it around the house
willy nilly. I told her the glass wouldn't be so depressed if we had my
costly Richard Petty clock to brighten up the place. It would have too, if
she had only listened to me for once.
What is the best way to meet quality men?
- Fran
Dear Fran,
Cut their hair. It used to be that only men were barbers. Now everybody
cuts hair. Even women. I, for one, am in favor of women cutting my hair.
Some of the boys were resistant when Quillen closed his barber shop and the
only place to get your hair cut was the beauty parlor unless you cut it
yourself. Ethyl gave me the best haircut that I ever had. But now I've
seen some of these characters on TV commercials for the hair care products.
I guess you don't have to have a license anymore from the looks of that
crowd. Let me say this, I don't trust a man who wears a hat while he cuts
your hair. Never have. That bird's not touching my hair. The other
people I don't trust with my hair are the French. What hairstyles have
they ever invented' We've invented them all: the flat top, the pineapple,
and so forth. Hair styling is as American a profession as you can get in
my book. I hear you can make pretty good money doing it, too.
Sincerely,
Sherman T. Biswick
write to biswick@smug.com
