Top Ten Things JD Salinger Has Been Doing in the Last 34 Years

1. Recreating the 1964 World's Fair in miniature.

2. Beekeeping.

3. Cybersex on AOL under the alias "HoldenIt".

4. Learning to blow the harp so he can trade licks with Bruce Willis.

5. Making outfits for his cats and training them to do a dramatic reenactment of Henrik Ibsen's A Doll's House.

6. Building ships in bottles.

7. Engineering a commando raid on Denny's in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

8. Not one goddamn thing.

9. Donning a bandanna and some tie dye and following the Dead.

10. Writing a new story about the Glass Family, featuring Franny, Zoey and the heretofore unmentioned younger fraternal twins minimalist composer Phillip Glass and tabloid TV's Nancy Glass.

Mr. Salinger if you're reading (no, not you Pierre), drop a line.

So much for passing those comps around

Well, leaving Big Brother out of things as we like to here at SMUG we'll just say that this has deeper implications than stopping scalpers from hawking overpriced bad tickets. For 20 sold out Fillmore dates, Tom Petty, or rather, Tom Petty's management team - insisted concert goers sign for their tickets when purchasing them, and then sign the tickets on entry to the concert for a match. Now, having seen some shows we're not sure we want going down on our permanent record (like the godawful Geggy Tah) we're not sure this is going to work for us. While we like the idea of scalpers getting the shaft, we don't like having to a) actually buy our own tickets in person, and b) not having the option of picking up one of our cooler friends comps in the event they are unable to attend.

Beavis and Butthead

One of our favorite things to do when in a multiplex line wrapping infinitely as we herd through waiting to spend our $8.50 to see what may be a really awful movie is to try and guess who in the line is seeing what. It never seemed easier than in New York's Sony Theaters with such films as Beavis and Butthead (the kids with the pimples), Larry Flynt (the bohemians and the pervert looking guys), and The Crucible (the ones clutching the poetry books). However, we were very surprised to find the audience for The People Vs. Larry Flynt to be chock full of forty and fiftyish housewives, homeboys, as well as the expected turn out. Now, the real question is - were they really that bored, did the advertising work, or - were they all there to see the hot girl on girl action? No matter, although the movie was maybe a little too sympathetic to Larry, it was worth the eight and a half Washingtons to get in.

staff@smug.com

back to the junk drawer