March 1997 feature by Leslie Harpold |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
No Free Lunches
It sounds like a musical to me. I imagine scads of scantily clad showgirls
with big headresses
kicking it Vegas Style as they dance and sing the praises of Olestra®,
the fat substitute.
Oh! Oh! O- Les- Tra - eat it up and the pounds melt right away! And
your favorite treat - will taste
more sweet, when you know that it will not make you gain!
Yeah, something like that. But right when the curtain for the second act is
about to go up - the stage manager realizes that there's no one there to
go
on stage - the babes are duking it out in the ladies room for a seat -
foolish chicks actually ate the stuff!
MAY CAUSE
STOMACHE CRAMPS AND DIARRHEA
Oops, did we forget to mention that? Our good friends at Proctor &
Gamble bring up
this lovely fat substitute that will make us sick. And the government
says that's okay.
As long as they remember to warn us, we deserve everything we get, right?
Here's a little more info:
In June, the FDA approved a new fake fat - Olestra®. Unlike some of
the earlier substitute fats like Simplesse and Avicel, which are already on
the
market, Olestra® doesn't get absorbed by the body; but it still goes
through the
digestive track. Since it doesn't get absorbed it goes straight through our
digestive system. This miracle fat (as some people call it), was developed by
Proctor & Gamble. It works by being so indigestible that it wholly
bypasses any
means that would allow your body to absorb it.
One of the most important things is that these fake fats reduce the fat and
calories while keeping the texture of real fat. While most of the other
fats substitutes
can't withstand the cooking temperatures like natural fats, Olestra®
seems to be
able to. Since Olestra® is chemically made with sucrose and fatty acids,
it is a lot
like natural fat in chemical composition and can withstand these temperatures.
Did I mention it caused liver cancer in some of the animal testing
groups?
This stuff has been around since 1975 when Proctor & Gamble went to the FDA to
get it approved as a drug and it
failed repeatedly so they gave up in 1988. In 1987, they attempted to gain
approval as a calorie free substitute for cooking oil, and under
the guise of being in the food category, it passed. It was
planned to begin the marketing in
1990 in cheese puffs and cookies, but then the
FDA pulled its approval pending further testing.
Miracle or Debacle?
Well, what could possibly be wrong with it if it
saves a few calories? For starters, it seriously depletes
the body's vitamin supply of vitamins A, D, E and K. If you eat eighteen
Olestra®
(also known by the brand name Olean®) potato
chips a day your blood cartenoid levels will reduce by 50%. In another
study, it only took
six chips a day to
reduce beta carotene levels by 50%. If you have a bleeding disorder, your
depletion
of vitamin K could be very serious. In some
animal studies it caused liver cancer. In another, it caused lung cancer.
But you'll die thin! If you think that will help keep the pounds off, try
chemotherapy!
Proctor & Gamble Says This:
On January 24, 1996, Proctor & Gamble introduced Olean® brand fat
replacer, a breakthrough, calorie-free fat replacement ingredient that
can fully replace the added fat and cut calories in salted snacks and
crackers, while still delivering great taste.
For those who enjoy snack foods, Olean® will provide new options that
have little or no fat and far fewer calories. For example, a
bag of potato chips made with Olean® will contain 0 grams of fat and
about 70 calories - compared with a one-ounce bag of regular potato
chips which contains 10 grams of fat and about 150
calories.
And I haven't even mentioned the part of the warning where they warn you
about anal leakage.
Does this mean that I can no longer trust my body to warn me of its major
functions if I want a few Pringles?
I think my life will be a little better - not to mention less embarrassing
- without a snack - thanks.
The sin of all sins - being fat - is worth whatever suffering we must
endure to avoid it.
Who will buy this stuff? Plenty of people.
Who are these folks? We can kid ourselves and say that all kinds of people
will buy Olean®.
Women. Women of all sizes and shapes who are fat, fear fat, think they are
fat, - all manner of women.
There will be male consumers of Olean® enhanced foods, certainly, but all the
marketing,
all the literature for low fat, low calorie, sugar and hazard free food has
been directed at women.
There is no reason this should be any different. As it stands, I have to
admit that Elle MacPherson in "Sirens" epitomized
my feminine ideal. Is that right? Perhaps not. Is that honest - is that
the answer I get when I dig deep into
my soul and ask who'd like to be staring back at me in the mirror every
day? Yes. This
raises - yet again - the timeless question...
"What Price Beauty?"
Well, if loss of valuable nutrients, cancer risk,
anal leakage, stained underwear, diarrhea, and stomache cramps are
the toll,
you can bet I won't be munching on any enhanced foodstuffs. The kicker is
that P&G knew
that no matter how awful the side effects people would buy. Any small
glimmer of hope in the battle
of the bulge is marketable. Is that Proctor & Gamble's fault? No.
That's a whole other subject.
However, this goes beyond capitalism and well into a certain kind of mass
maiming. Because the
clear message here is no matter how unpleasant you feel, no matter what the
toll on your health is -
being thin is the ultimate goal. Call me crazy, but doesn't that totally
negate the thin is healthier argument?
It's all a dangerous game, and I'm not willing to play.
back to the junk drawer
|
|
·feature·
·net worth·
·bumping uglies·
·smoking jacket·
·ear candy·
·feed hollywood·
·target audience·
·three dollar bill·
·compulsion·
·posedown·
·the biswick files·
·mystery date·
·and such and such·
·blab·
·kissing booth·
·contents·
·freakshow·
·fan club·
·junk drawer·
copyright © 1996, 1997 smug.com