June 1999 the biswick files by Sherman T. Biswick |
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Dear Biswick,
Dear Todd,
Well, I happened to mention it the next night at dinner, and Elmer
Flatt, that know-it-all bastard, tells me that "enlightenment" means
"happiness." So of course I thought, "well, there ain't no place in
Kentucky called Happiness. There is a place called Happy - but it's damn
near all the way out to the Virginia state line." I remember passing
through it once or twice on my way to somewhere or other. My memory's not
so good these days. But one thing I do know is that if you take Route 75
south out of Lexington and drive all the way down to London, you can cut
over to State Road 118 and take it to the end of the line. Then turn south
on 15, and go on into Hazard. There's a filling station there on the
left - I believe it's a Texaco - and Sam, the boy who runs the place, he won a
third prize ribbon in the hog calling contest out to the State Fair a few
years back, you just tell him that Sherm sent you, and he'll point you in
the right direction to Happy. It can't be but another ten, fifteen miles up
the road.
I never seem to be able to get laid. What should I do? I have tried
everything, including propositioning random passers-by. Also, my little
sister follows me everywhere I go. Thank-you.
Dear Cuddles
I just saw that there's a person named Swoosie Kurtz. I know what Susie's
short for, but what's Swoosie short for?
Swoosan.
Sincerely,
Sherman T. Biswick
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