September 1997
s m u g
the biswick files
by Sherman T. Biswick

*

Mr. Biswick,

Should I quit my job and wander the world as a vagabond?

Tom

Dear Tom,

Although I never told my late wife, I briefly travelled with a vaudeville show when I was 12 years old. (My late wife, god rest her soul, never approved of show people.) My cousin, Erwin Biswick, took sick with the whooping cough during the rehearsal for a new show called, "Those Aren't My Underpants" and my uncle Marshall Biswick needed to fill the small but important role of Hiram, the cranky butler. (This show was later revived on TV as the hit situation comedy, Mr. Belvedere.) My late father, Robert W. Biswick, god rest his soul, didn't like show people either and I was only allowed to go after Marshall convinced my father that I'd earn enough money to buy two more head of cattle for the family farm.

I'd never left the old homeplace when I hit the road for two weeks to see the world as a star of the stage. We left by train for the midwest and landed promptly in Chicago. The first day there I met a beautiful young gypsy girl named Rachel who cleaned the theatre between performances. I fell deeply in love with her exotic beauty and worldly manner. She pledged her love to me in response, conned me out of 2 dollars and stole my suitcase full of clothes.

The lesson I learned from this is one that would do you good to remember, Tom. Vagabonds and gypsies are not to be trusted. Stay in school and get a good education. You can't get a good job these days without a good education.

Sincerely,
Sherman T. Biswick

*

Ask Mr. Biswick:

Your name:

*

biswick@smug.com

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