February 1997
s m u g
target audience
by Leslie Harpold

Subtle Nuances

Gasoline JeansWear

What I love about this ad is the subtlety with which it conveys the amount of sex appeal wearing Gasoline jeans will give a man. It's a gentle plea replete with quiet undertones of sexuality and longing. Oh, I'm sorry, that's the Ty-D-Bowl Ad I saw on the TV this morning. It has nothing to do with this piece of crap.

Okay, I can think of three times someone would want to see this ad. 1. Just getting into the panty fetish. 2. You are related to or dating one of the models, and maybe not even then. 3. Fodder for evil ex-girlfriend fantasies. The old "one of these days she'll be begging for it stuff," all in all, not a very creative way to go, but it doesn't seem to stop the average high school boy from strutting around the high school parking lot like a supercharged pro wrestler vowing to strike down his formidable opponent. Although high school is a distant memory for me, I remember this as being a thinly veiled means of saying "she dumped me."

To look at this ad is to know she wants it badly. I'd even go as far as saying she needs it. This leaves us with one burning question.

What is it?

His cock? His jeans? Some attention? Some food? A police officer? In the background is a Formula I race car. I watched the OJ Trial, at least for the first two weeks, and I think I know a little about crime scene photographs. His pants are unbuttoned, she's not wearing any pants at all. No real woman would sit on a greasy garage floor in her nice clean panties for fun or booty. You know, what we keep inside there is special. I think she was minding her own business, working on her car and this clown came in and stole her pants. She just wants her pants back. Hey tough guy, give the skinny girl her pants. They're too small for you anyway, you can't even button the top button. Not very attractive. Why did you want those pants so much anyway? Didn't anyone ever tell you jeans stealing and hair pulling are no way to make time with the ladies?

Dream a little dream

Okay, so here's the fantasy we're supposed to have. He wears the Gasoline Jeans. He teases her, she wants it. She's a model, perhaps a supermodel even. She gets hot. He unbuttons his pants, just a little. She thinks she's getting some. She feels lucky, because now, it's all just pheromones and hormones and she's waiting to get to the nasty part. She rips off her pants - no, I bet it was a micro miniskirt. Leather even. Patent leather. Yeah, and then, at the last minute, he decides he's gonna hold out for more. He's not gonna put out until she gets one of her supermodel girlfriends to join in with them. No one else is around, so she says "well, just this once, please, please take me" and he says "later baby, sorry you didn't make the cut" and strolls out big as life and twice as sassy. She lunges for his leg, she wraps herself around him, he just keeps on going, he's a man on the move, and there are some scantily clad Swedish triplets waiting for him at home anyway.

She begs, he's indifferent, he drags her along until the pain of the cement floor burn on her ass is too much to bear, he thought that pushing her away would be a clear message, but it only makes her want him more. He pulls her hair and wrests her hand from his leg and he's out like a scout. She's left alone with a race car and a bad love Jones, humiliated by her own unbridled desire.

An average everyday occurrence

As if. Chances are, the perfect customer for Gasoline Jeans would be one for whom society has failed to embrace. It depicts the ultimate hetero male revenge fantasy, he's getting so much wool he doesn't need this little mitten. This smacks of being aimed at hard-core geeks and miscreants with no social skills, the kind of guys women won't give the time of day to. Someone who needs their jeans to be that sexy and irresistible, because what they are putting into them is that repulsive and disgusting. We don't see the top half of this guy, and since ads project a fantasy let me fill in the rest for you. This is a pimply faced loner, maybe even with a speech impediment and low self esteem who hasn't seen a naked woman in person since the kids in the seventh grade gym class dressed him up in calico and lipstick and tossed him into the girl's locker room with a sign that said "sissyboy" taped to his back.

You know where this guy is probably really going? Home to beat off to the Sear's catalog lingerie section. I hear in some of the shots, they airbrush the nipple area a little sloppily, and you can almost see where they would be. I say this because this is about as close to a real woman as a guy who would buy this ad as a pointer to fashion would ever feel comfortable getting.


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