November 1998
s m u g
target audience
by Leslie Harpold


Ring the Bells, Win a Prize

the bachelor himself ladies, any takers?

Let me just start by saying that if he wanted to, Rod Barnett "COULD BE MARRIED IN 3 MONTHS. THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT!" He is very passionate about that, so I thought I'd get that out of the way. As a matter of fact, he goes to great lengths to explain what a catch he is, and with good reason, Rod Barnett is looking for a wife, and he's willing to pay $10,000 to the person who helps him find her.

Basically, Rod has created a - a web site in an effort to find the woman suitable for marriage, and he's offering ten thousand dollars to whomever introduces him to the woman he marries or proposes to. I give him credit for making the offer valid if the introduction results in a proposal. a certain gesture of humility that the rest of his treatise lacks.

It would be far too easy to state the obvious, the general playground potshots making fun of him using the medium as a giant personal ad. I actually respect him for the willingness to put himself forward and take a risk that few would be willing to make, subjecting himself to certain ridicule in an effort to find the love of his life. Rod portrays himself as the dreamer who just hasn't been able to make the pieces fit... yet:

Believing that I would always find my true love is something that I have never given up on. I want everyone to realize that I strongly believe that the primary reason people can't find a compatible partner is a simple lack of exposure.

Right, Rod, and the best ways to make money are buying and selling, 900 numbers and tiny classified ads. Rod speaks a language I am all too familiar with, the language of the late night infomercial. Clearly a fan of motivational speakers, and likely a Tony Robbins Personal Power grad, Rod tells us that he's a modern entrepreneur and involved in and very interested by nutritional supplements. Which leads me to guess that Rod is somewhere near the top of some MLM scheme, the position at the top assumed, because he's got ten grand laying around.

The second horseman in the personal apocalypse I underwent reading his plea/pitch was the flawed logic that only a salesman could deliver with a straight face. After citing all the advances we've made in technology, communication and space travel, Rod explains that we still meet people the same was we always have and "No wonder crime rates among children have sky rocketed in the last 20 years." What? This leap in logic at best can be described as flawed. Formulaic sales tactic, create a fear then sell through it, whether or not the product, in this case Rod Barnett, need not provide a solution for the problem, because the problem he presents is not real.

Poor Rod does make the perfunctory apology for not being attracted to women over 135 pounds, and confesses that this was not a choice he made, he just was saddled with that burdensome preference. I begrudge no one their taste but take offense in the arrogance of apologies.

If you're not ready to enter the high stakes world of finding Rod a bride, there's still one way to make a little money. Ron will pay 100 bucks for his pussy. That would, my low minded friends, be the reward for his tailless cat SheShe, who apparently has gone missing.

Oh and his number one fault? Our hero is a nail biter. I know, I was just as horrified as you are right now.

Rod seems to be aiming at the classic cinematic "best friend" here. The chubby but affable close personal friend of the Cute Girl, a little overweight, tired of watching her pal date jerks and perhaps unemployed, maybe in need of a little cash for the exercise and diet systems she saw in the other late night infomercials. She knows she's not what he's looking for, but she's willing to sell out her pal for the classic win-win (win) situation. After all, the lucky girl gets Rod Barnett, and ladies, what could be a better reward than someone who, and I quote:

"...believe(s) that you will be hard pressed to find anyone more determined to make a change about themselves when they set their mind to it."


in the junk drawer:

and such
and such

the bachelor himself

ladies, any takers?

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